“Hello, we are your parents!” or how difficult the path of adoption сan be

November 08 2022

With the very first cry, every child creates an irreplaceable lifelong emotional bond – that with his or her mother. Hours later, he also accepts into his life the other most important person – his father. Thus, from its first moments, the child connects with its parents organically, naturally and with a sense of security and unconditional love. This is the best one, but also not a guaranteed scenario for the beginning of a new life. Sometimes a child will have to get to know several parents until he finds his own – those from whom he will receive unconditional love, protection and care.

Such is the journey of the adopted child and his or her adoptive parents. It is not an easy one, rather one filled with challenges and difficulties, but also with much love. This is the path of Stanimir. He is only 3 years old when once again he has to change his parents, his home, his destiny. He findes them in the face of one very closeit couple. They are responsible, loving, kind-hearted young people whose endless affection for each other unfortunately is insufficient to grant them the wish for a child. For them, family means love, understanding and a home where children’s laughter can be heard. So the two naturally come to the decision to become adoptive parents.

Their child became Stanimir – the first child they received a call about from the DPO. As soon as they meet him, they immediately know: this is their son, and they are his parents. After the official court decision and going through the difficult and painful adoption procedure, the two take Stanimir home from the Child Protection Agency. They say “Hello!” and take him to his new home. Another new home. Despite the willingness, diligence and care of his adoptive parents, Stanimir shuts himself in and feels a frantic fear to leave his home. Will it be the last time? Is another new home waiting for him? He refuses to leave his parents, he doesn’t even want to be alone with his grandmother. And when he doesn’t get what he wants, he reacts harshly with self-aggression and defies persuasion.

The fear of being abandoned deepens and his parents turn to the Child Protection Agency. From there they are referred to come to us for specialized help. The reason for this is not only Stanimir’s reluctance to leave home and be separated from his parents. It turns out that the foster family he had been living with up until that point had failed to provide him with the educational and developmentally stimulating environment he needed. Therefore, the boy’s psycho-emotional age is lower than the calendar age and he still does not speak.

We at For Our Children quickly recognised all the signs of Stanimir’s condition – he was developing clingy behaviour towards his parents. In the beginning they were present during our sessions, but when we realized that his fear of leaving his new home was born out of the belief that he would lose it, we started visiting him. Our activities encompassed an extensive programme of classes, conversations and developmental activities delivered with the help of a speech and language therapist and psychologist.

We supported the adopters on this journey because we know how difficult it can be. But we also know that once passed, the seemingly overwhelming beginning leads to a happy ending. And so it happened with Stanimir and his new, forever parents. Thanks to the support of specialists and expert advice, over time the family was able to set good boundaries for the child. They created rules, and Stanimir not only follows them, but also the routinehe has gives him a sense of peace and affection – not temporary, but eternal. The boy began to explore his new home environment more and more confidently and learns new patterns of behavior. Aggression is a thing of the past, but we continue to work with Stanimir and his parents. The path of adoption is not easy, but it is real, touching and proves once again that children are love we cannot go without and for which we are ready to do anything.

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