Conflicts between siblings are one of the most common challenges in a family. Although they can be exhausting for parents, they are a natural part of a child’s development. It is precisely through these arguments that children learn to defend their position, make compromises, understand the other person’s point of view, and cope with disappointment.

Why does sibling rivalry arise?
Research shows that sibling rivalry is a normal phenomenon. It stems from the natural competition for attention, time, and parental affection. This doesn’t mean parents are failing—on the contrary, almost every family goes through similar situations.

When should we intervene?
It’s important to distinguish between being present and intervening. Not every argument requires an immediate response. It’s best to observe first, then encourage the children to find a solution on their own, and intervene decisively only if there is a risk of someone getting hurt or when conflicts turn into systematic bullying.

“The Empty Cup” – A Metaphor for Children’s Needs
A helpful way to understand rivalry is through the “empty cup” metaphor. Every child needs their cup to be filled with love, attention, hugs, and time spent with their parent. When this cup is full, the child is calmer, more patient, and more willing to share. When it’s empty, they’re more likely to lose their temper, feel jealous, and get into conflicts.

Often, the cause of the argument isn’t the toy or the spot on the couch, but the feeling that the other child is getting more attention. The older child sees how much care the baby receives, while the younger one notices the older child’s freedom and privileges. Both may feel a sense of unfairness.

What can parents do?
One of the best ways to prevent conflicts is to set aside even just a few minutes each day for one-on-one time with each child. Sometimes a hug, a conversation, or playing together has a much greater effect than any punishment.

An interesting approach suggested by psychologist Lawrence Cohen is to use play and humor instead of acting as a judge. When tension hasn’t escalated, a parent can defuse the conflict with a humorous reaction – for example, by pretending that they also want the toy, or by turning the situation into a fun game. Laughter reduces tension and often helps children feel like allies again, rather than opponents.

Of course, there are situations where intervention is necessary – when there is physical violence, systematic humiliation, or when one child is constantly in the role of the victim. In such cases, the parent must calmly but firmly set boundaries.

It’s also a good idea to avoid taking sides too quickly. The younger child is not always the victim, nor is the older one always the culprit. Sometimes younger children also use their own ways to provoke conflicts. That is why it is important to listen to both sides before drawing conclusions.

Equality or Fairness?
Many parents strive for absolute equality – identical gifts, equal time, identical rules. But children don’t need to be treated identically; they need to be treated fairly, according to their needs. When a child insists on getting the same thing as his or her brother or sister, he or she is often actually saying:

“I need to feel just as loved.”

Conclusion
A parent’s role is not to prevent every conflict, but to help children learn to resolve them. The most important things we can do are:

to set aside special time for each child;